weddign invite 6 days and counting!

wedding dress!

Something I am proud of in the past few days

   Now that its a month later and i found the time to finish this blog ... here it is...

 I broke it off .. would say broke up but that's not the right phrase we were more "friends with benefits" more then anything. I fell for him and in the end broke almost all of my beliefs, did just about everything I said I never would do.
     I thought I loved him but with the help of great friends realized I cannot love someone when I don't even love myself. Which was a huge eye opener for me. It made me realize I was only with him to feel that void that I felt.
     I have spent almost a year beating myself up for even being in this type of relationship. But, not once did I ever do or change anything about it. I let it go on I didn't let how I felt about the situation be known by this person. So the pain and hurt I went through I blame myself for not speaking up when I should have. although I am sure he knew how I felt or at least guessed cause he couldn't of really known for sure unless I had opened my mouth and told him. And for that I hate myself or at least did at first. But, now I have learned that the most important thing in any relationship, is let your feelings be known and if the person can't handle that then maybe it's best that relationship does not exist at all.
     Had it not been for my friend last month and many friends since I broke it off I think I be right back with this guy. I am so glad for those friends that remind me what I want is not him and that the relationship I had with him was built souly on physical aspects. Most of all I am so glad that my friends allow me to talk to them and express  my feelings on the whole thing even though listening to it may open old wounds for them. For that I am sorry but, I don't know how I would get through this without you there pushing me to.
     I know that I deserve so much better and that I NEED to stop settling for less than I deserve. I need a relationship where me and the guy actually care and eventually love each other. Where we have things in common and can hold on conversation for more then two seconds. I need a guy that loves me for me, not for the person he wants me to be. For now though I need a break to find out what a want and figure out who I am before I can go looking for someone that I expect to love me for who I am.

MY Short term goals for this month

.... to finish this 30 day blog thing cause its now going on to a like 90 ish blog :)

And on to my real goal not that that's not a good one ... I want to get back into the habit of exercising it's been to long and i mean more exercise then walking to and from the bus stop for work everyday I would hardly count that as exercising. Why? ... well because I need to get healthy :)

a picture of something that has the biggest impact on ME

Burn Camp

     I don't know what I would do without this camp. It's the one time of year I get to get together with a group of people that have gone through the same stuff I have gone through. 

    I wish I could make other people realize what the camp is all about. I want them to know that if I could reverse and go back I would do anything to avoid being burned. I may enjoy the camp but it is not worth what I had to go through to get there. I can't tell you how many times I've had people tell me the wish they could burn themselves just to go to the camp. I can promise anyone that thinks that it is so not worth it. 

    I am very great full for the people that started the camp and I will never forget the late night camp fires talks. They helped me realize I am not a burn victim I am a SURVIVOR. I choose to grow from my injuries not sit around saying "why me."

BCR :)

MY favorite super hero and why

Batman

Because it's Batman and hes the coolest enough said.

A picture of somewhere I've been

 

For my parents 25th anniversary they took all of us kids on a cruise to Ensenada, Mexico. I'll never forget that trip was way fun and met lots of new and fun people. It was nice to truely get away from the wordly things if even just for a week. Think it's one of the times I remember actually being happy.